Bill, the Galactic Hero [0.5-6] - Harry Harrison

Category: Fantasy, Humor
Language: English
Keywords: Fantsy Humor Scf-fi

Written by Harry Harrison
Read by Christian Rummel
Format: MP3
Bitrate: 64 Kbps

—0.5 Bill, the Galactic Hero: 1:04:03

It was the highest honor to defend the Empire against the dreaded Chingers, an enemy race of seven-foot-tall lizards. But Bill, a Technical Fertilizer Operator from a planet of farmers, wasn’t interested in honor, he was only interested in two things: his chosen career, and the shapely curves of Inga-Maria Calyphigia.

Then a recruiting robot shanghaied him with knockout drops, and he came to in deep space, aboard the Empire warship Christine Keeler. And from there, things got even worse.

—1 The Planet of the Robot Slaves: 7:03:22

Bill would give his right arm to defend his Emperor against the alien Chingers, which is lucky seeing as he has two of them…

War demands sacrifices, and if you’ve lost one left arm, have an artificial foot and a set of nifty surgically implanted tusks, it’s a small price to pay for the privilege of being a hero. And Bill knows all about heroism, as part of a motley crew his new task is to track down the source of Chinger controlled metal dragons that are making mincemeat out of humans…

—2 On the Planet of Bottled Brains: 7:55:40

Bill should know that you never complain in the Troopers. But when his new foot looks like turning into something green, scaly and abundantly clawed, a visit to the medics would seem to be reasonable.

But before he can say ‘Quintiform computer error’ he seems to have got himself volunteered again, this time for a suicide mission on Tsuris, the planet nobody ever comes back from.

—3 On the Planet of Tasteless Pleasure: 6:17:36

He’s the perfect Spaceship Trooper: big, strong and completely brainwashed. He’s the perfect hero: willing to do almost anything to save his own neck [perhaps one of the only body parts that’s still his own].

Bill is in the hospital, vainly hoping for a real foot to replace the satyr’s foot he’s been lumbered with. Not that he has anything against satyrs, at least not until one grabs him by the foot and pulls him under the ocean into a world of unspeakable and endless pleasures!

—4 On the Planet of Zombie Vampires: 5:41:06

BILL, the perfect Starship Trooper: big, brawny, and brainwashed.

Possessor of two right arms [impressive when it comes to saluting] and a foot that is threatening to turn into something more suited to being an umbrella stand than anything that could be squeezed into a size 11 sneaker.

—5 On the Planet of Ten Thousand Bars: 5:59:34

Bill is the perfectstarship trooper: Big, strong, and completely brainwashed.

He’ll do almost anything to save his neck. Now he’s been sent to Barworld, home planet of the finest beverages in the universe.

But can Bill survive an entire planet of blondes, booze, and bathtubs of champagne?

—6 The Final Incoherent Adventure: 6:27:01

BILL’s has been recruited by Captain Kadaffi for a suicide mission on the planet Eyerack. Bill has orders to die trying, but trying what, he doesn’t know.

Will he lead the mission?
Will he survive the bombs, blondes, and booze?
Will he ever find a foot?

Unabridged
Narrated By: Christian Rummel

Bitrate: 64kbps